Welcome!

The goal of this blog is to help the reader identify with a healthy, fulfilling relationship to their own sexuality.

Because the topic of children's sexuality is taboo, we don't know how to talk to our children about sex as they become young adults. They then fumble through a series of experiences throughout youth and into adulthood, trying to find their way. They look to their peers, friends, and partners for guidance, but they too are young and lack experience and perspective. Or they risk exploitation.

I remember this being very much my experience, coming of age in the 1990's under the specter of HIV/AIDS. Getting pregnant was one thing . . . sex could kill you! But it made us all aware, and a little political. Healthy attitudes and behaviors around our sexuality were essential, and became almost trendy, if you will.

Thanks to a private grant at my university, condoms were everywhere, free in baskets in the bathrooms in the dormitories. As a result, there was no shame in using them, in asking a man to use them, or in asking your roommate or friend down the hall to borrow one. The condom baskets were impossible to keep filled, and everyone had a stash. Plus, some of us showed up on birth control, and connected our friends to the clinic in town where you could get the Pill.

And guess what? No one got pregnant and had to drop out. No one got an STI and shared it with half the campus. Sex wasn't deviant, it was normal and fun. And no one had to get hurt in the process. We were in stable monogamous relationships, many of which remain today with happy marriages and lots of children. We have been blessed with those children, and doubly blessed by having had the opportunity to welcome them into our lives and families at the best possible time for all of us.

We weren't any different than any young people have ever been in the history of biology. YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE SEX. It's what they're wired to do. Society tells us to control ourselves, and for good reason. Irresponsible sexual behaviors are incredibly destructive to a person, which ultimately affects society. The problem is that no one can agree on what "responsible sexual behaviors" are.

That's where this blog comes in. We've lost ground in recent years, and the openness around sexuality has narrowed. It's become harder to talk about, and therefore harder for young people to keep themselves healthy as they are coming of age sexually. The advocates used to say "Silence=Death" and they're right. Communication about this topic, with yourself, and ultimately with your partners, is the path to Positive Sexuality.

Many adults advocate abstinence to young people, and I agree. Abstinence is the best option . . . if it's the individual's choice. Positive Sexuality is choosing abstinence for oneself. Telling a sexually-mature teenager you expect them to abstain is unhealthy, because they will not do so unless it's their choice. Otherwise, abstinence-only is a collision course with unplanned pregnancy, STIs, and all sorts of unhealthy behaviors that could have been prevented.

And that is the refrain you will hear from me on this blog. YOU must decide what Positive Sexuality is for you. And there are some boundaries, so we'll explore those too. For instance, when one person likes something, and one person does not, that is definitely NOT Positive Sexuality. Go find someone else who's into your fetish, they exist.

Most importantly, THERE IS NO JUDGEMENT HERE. And if your comments are hateful or judgmental, they will be deleted and you will be blocked, post haste. There is enough negativity out there, go find another venue.

Love your lovin'! +