Flirting

Flirting is delightful. It's the first way in which we learn to express ourselves sexually. I watched my daughter learn it as a baby, all babies do. Some take to it more than others, but every baby learns that when they make that cute face, the adults fall all over themselves. Then when they want to cajole their way into a lollipop or out of trouble, the flirting begins anew.

Flirting is also the first step in indicating interest in a partner. And it's something you can do, every day, to show your partner you still think they're foxy.

Think about it. Lots of this Positive Sexuality stuff takes effort, libido, motive, opportunity. But flirting . . . that takes nothing. It's easy, it makes the flirter feel good, and the flirted with feel GREAT.

I'm not going to tell you what to do. You know how you flirt. And I swear to God, I can hear some of you out there saying "I don't know how to flirt!" Bullshit! You may not FEEL like you know how to flirt. Flirting might seem as natural to you as breathing under water. But that doesn't mean it's not within your grasp.

Flirting is nothing more than a smile. A compliment. A little eye contact. Sharing a little inside joke. It's being thoughtful, leaving that note, dropping off that coffee. Flirting is simply showing your partner that you care, you respect them, you're thinking of them. And you think they're foxy.

Be careful, though, not to flirt with others too much in front of your partner. It sends the signal that that cashier or waiter is far more interesting than your partner. If you find yourself doing so, stop. You're being hurtful, and you need to direct that attention to the one who brought you. If you find your partner is doing it, call them out!

Flirting, like so many things, is very subjective. What's just being friendly to one person could be an outright proposition to another. If your partner is offended by your flirtatiousness, or doesn't understand why you are uncomfortable with her flirting with everyone else in the room, you might simply not be compatible. That doesn't necessarily mean the other person is wrong, just wrong for you.